How to be a good listener
Being a great audience means having actually compassion. But compassion is among one of the most
misinterpreted paying attention abilities.
Compassion is what we feel when we are attempting to understand the world from the point of view of another individual.
Among the common misunderstandings about compassion is that you need to have lived through what the various other individual has skilled to understand them.
Simply having actually the same experiences as another individual isn't enough to understand them. 2 individuals can face the same challenges or problems, but react in totally various ways. Your experiences are unique to you and no one else can know how you feel, also if they have been wearing your shoes. The just way to understand how someone really feels is to pay attention to them, without presuming that they feel the like you performed in that circumstance.
Your unique understanding of the world
Imagine that every baby is birthed holding a wood frame which contains a pane of glass. Whenever they appearance at anything on the planet, they do so through this glass.
The glass isn't totally clear when they receive it. It's slightly warped and discoloured, and these are the notes of their genes and biology. This means that everybody has a various item of glass whereby to see the world. And this glass becomes more marked as each people moves through our lives. Every experience - great and bad - changes the glass. It warps, scrapes and spots. Components of it may be discolored in various colours such as church home windows. Therefore our view of the world changes as the glass changes in time.
We don't see the world as it really exists. Instead we see the world through a filter produced by our biology and life experiences.
Frame of recommendation
Counsellors often discuss checking out the client's frame of recommendation. The pane of glass in the wood frame is your frame of recommendation.
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To be a great audience, you need to stand at the side of the audio speaker and attempt to appearance out at the world through their glass.
Do not say: "I'm sorry that the glass is scraped." That would certainly be sympathy - not a poor point by itself, but not helpful for paying attention. Sympathy means that you feel sorry for the various other individual and you want to decrease their experiencing. This is type, but it doesn't imply that you understand their needs, sensations and experiences. You can feel sorry for someone without actually paying attention to them at all.
